sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
