hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize