if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
