all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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