sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
