Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
