wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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