I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
