I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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