This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
