I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
