I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize