Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize