Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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