Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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