Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
