I accidentally had phone sex last night
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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