need another drink. this is the easiest way
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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