Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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