Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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