I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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