I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
