You can't motorboat a personality
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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