Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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