I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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