im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize