I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize