I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
