do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
