Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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