I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
