ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize