we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
