i may or may not be watching the land before time
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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