I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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