Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need a beard to bite.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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