I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
