"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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