We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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