You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
