and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
