Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
