I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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