Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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