Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
