JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
