y did u give ur computer a hand job?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
