i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
