I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Congratulations! We have a period
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
