Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
