Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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