i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
