I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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