I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
