it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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