Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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