She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
