i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
