My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
