we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize