party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
