Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
