Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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