i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
