had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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