yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
