omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
