Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
